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wo passt das rein?:
wollte die inhaltsstoffe von nem mars riegel nachschlagen, denkste gehst auf die mars seite:
https://www.mars-riegel.de/
Bitte geben sie ihr Alter an.
äääh wat?
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Konntest du unter 12 etwa schon ausgewogene und verantwortungsbewusste Entscheidungen bezüglich deines Süßwarenkonsums treffen?
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[Dieser Beitrag wurde 1 mal editiert; zum letzten Mal von Flash_ am 03.04.2019 3:12]
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Pot-News, Fun-Thread?
Hochstapler im Nürnberger Südklinikum
| | | Er sei Arzt und Diplom-Jurist, sagte der neue persönliche Referent des Vorstandes für Medizin und Entwicklung. Außerdem habe ihn Bundespräsident Frank-Walter Steinmeier per Urkunde zum Professor der Rechtsmedizin auf Lebenszeit und zum Direktor des Bundeskriminalamtes ernannt. Wenn er gebraucht werde, dann schicke man schon mal einen Hubschrauber, um ihn zu einer wichtigen Sektion beim BKA einzufliegen, streute er bei Gesprächen noch ein. Und ehemaliger Leibarzt der Queen sei er auch gewesen, ließ er seine staunenden Zuhörer wissen. | |
Klingt glaubwürdig. Lassen wir ihn mal sechs Wochen arbeiten, bis wir merken, dass das gar nicht stimmt.
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Hab das zuerst für einen Aprilscherz gehalten, so doof kann man doch nicht sein.
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| | Zitat von Tobit
Hab das zuerst für einen Aprilscherz gehalten, so doof kann man doch nicht sein.
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Nürnberg ist halt a Debb.
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Das mit der Teufelshöhle hatte ich eigentlich auch als Aprilscherz eingeordnet.
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>
| | Roommate had chinchillas.
Bloody useless little shits. They're like a cross between a rat and dryer lint. Nervous and hyperactive and scared as fuck of everything, they're basically hairy heart attacks. And they shit these hard little pellets. Lots of them. Not just that, but they also bathe in sand. That by itself isn't a problem, except that you need a very tall cage for them with a bunch of platforms, and they spend their waking hours shitting and twitching and tear-assing up and down and up and down the fucking cage, from platform to platform, flinging hard little shit-pellets and sand into every fucking corner of whatever room you put them in, and beyond. And they do it at night, randomly, because they're nocturnal or some shit, so while you're trying to sleep you've got this constant KLANG KLANG BANG KLANG WHANG CHING BONG WHANG of these little pests bouncing off the sides of this giant cage.
Fuck chinchillas. They're not even snack-sized, and you'd get fur in your teeth.
Edit: also he had a book about chinchilla care, because he was a responsible chinchilla owner, aside from leaving fucking catapulted chinchilla shit all over the dining room. One thing I remember from that was that apparently the males get these little hair clumps between their ballsacks and assholes, so you have to somehow grab hold of them, and use tweezers to un-fuck chinchilla scrotum hairballs so they don't, I dunno, clog up and explode or some shit. >
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Dazu passend:
Koalas!
| | Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
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So sehr ich die Koala Kopiernudel liebe, hier noch die Gegenthese:
| | I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance.
| | | Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. | |
Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards.
An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled?
| | | Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death | |
This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery.
Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey.
| | | They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal | |
It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (~0.52), some possums (~0.468), cuscus (~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.
| | | additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. | |
Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.
| | | If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. | |
If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.
| | | Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. | |
That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!
| | | Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). | |
Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!
When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.
Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.
| | | Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. | |
Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?
| | | This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, | |
Almost every animal does this.
| | | which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them. | |
Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation. | |
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Puh, fast hätte ich drüber gelacht 
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| | Zitat von Mountainbiker
Pandabären...völlig sinnlose und lebensunfähige Tiere. paarungsbereitschaft ist kaum vorhanden, noch nichtmal in freier Wildbahn wollen Männlein und Weiblein etwas miteinander zu tun haben. Ohne BummBumm im Gestrüpp STERBT IHR EINFACH AUS IHR SCHEISSBÄREN! Die größte Frechheit an den Tieren ist, dass sie es im Zoo erst miteinander treiben, wenn man ihnen einen Pandaporno vorführt...ihr seht schon, der Panda hat nicht das geringste Interesse daran irgendetwas aus eigenem Antrieb zu seinem Fortbestand zu tun. Ein schwerer Fall.
Noch schlimmer wird es aber, wenn man an die Ernährung denkt. der geile Grizzlybär fängt Lachs, der Schwarzbär fängt sich Kälber, der Braun- oder Schadbär frisst Kinder und Schafe... und was macht der Pandabär...miiiiau... Der vertrottelte Pandabär frisst Bambus, der so nährstoffarm ist, dass sie 20 Kilogramm mindestens essen müssen um ihren Tagesbedarf zu decken. aber nur die Sprösslinge, weil sie so zwart und saftig sind. Das hört sich schwul an, ne!? Weil sie so schwul sind sterben sie aus. HA! SELBST SCHULD!
Alle abknallen! Sofort!
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| | | | | Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled? | |
Ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you're so preoccupied with whether or not nature could, you didn't stop to think if nature should. | |
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[Dieser Beitrag wurde 1 mal editiert; zum letzten Mal von csde_rats am 03.04.2019 14:17]
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Ok, es gibt Tiere die irgend eine Nische gefunden haben und dadurch einen für uns wunderlichen Lebensstil an den Tag legen. Und anstatt dass man es einfach so lässt wie es ist streitet man im Internet darüber.
Humans are fucking horrible animals.
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Ich habe keinen Respekt mehr vor Menschen, seit ich mal in einem Zoo war, in dem man Bilder von sich schießen lassen konnte, während man einen Koala auf dem Arm hat. Damit der Koala die Besucher während des Fotos (und generell) nicht ankackt, wurde ihm vor jedem Bild von einem Angestellten auf den Bauch gedrückt, damit er - falls er sich entleeren möchte - das vor dem Foto tut.
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Hat dir der Angestellte etwa auch auf den Bauch gedrückt?
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Ich bin zwar sehr süß, aber aufgrund des fehlenden Gestanks nicht mit einem Koala zu verwechseln.
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| | Zitat von Joggl²
Ich bin zwar sehr süß, aber aufgrund des fehlenden Gestanks nicht mit einem Koala zu verwechseln.
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Sind die echt so geruchsneutral? Wusste ich nicht!
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Und nochmal Jeff 
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[Dieser Beitrag wurde 1 mal editiert; zum letzten Mal von [RPD]-Biohazard am 03.04.2019 18:18]
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Caveman? Oder geht's nur um seinen angewiderten Gesichtsausdruck? 
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[Dieser Beitrag wurde 1 mal editiert; zum letzten Mal von Mobius am 03.04.2019 18:24]
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Lies die Untertitel.
Es kommt kein Caveman
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ah, da steht ja was.
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| | Zitat von Mobius
Caveman? Oder geht's nur um seinen angewiderten Gesichtsausdruck?
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Trolling is a art.
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Man könnte in die Filmografie gucken.
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| | Zitat von kann_lesen_87
ah, da steht ja was.
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Warum hast du nen IceTom Bender?
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| Thema: Funthread ( Die loligen Jahre sind vorbei ) |
